Sorry, Romance Can't Come to the Phone Right Now. It's Dead
On the appeal of the period drama and love in the modern world
When discussing shows and films within the world of the period drama, we often think of large mansions with candelabras mounted on the walls, elaborate gowns embroidered in lace and sequence, beautiful ballrooms filled with couples gliding across the floor as their hands barely touch, running through a field or meadow in either joy or despair, and of course, a slow budding romance that begins from the moment the two main characters meet.
While there are more specific distinctions between each one that could make them more of a costume drama (Downton Abbey), historical romance (Titanic), or a biopic (Victoria/The Crown), period dramas range anywhere from Pride and Prejudice to Bridgerton to Little Women and are often known for their romanticization of history.
From elegant gowns to an idyllic farm life, a period drama paints only the most beautiful parts of history. Of course, one might point out that in Titanic, class distinctions are made blatantly obvious, and in Downton Abbey they deal with issues of racism, classism, sexism, and more. None of them shy away from difficult topics, but they don’t always tackle them with complete honesty either. Each story tends to be told through the rose-colored lenses of someone fondly looking back on times that have long since past.
But it’s the fact that they’re so different from our lives that makes them so appealing. The days of candle lit hallways and social gatherings with synchronized dances are so far removed from our current lives that watching something where this is the norm fills us with a fascination and longing akin to a kid with their face pressed up against the glass of an aquarium. We both lack complete understanding of these worlds and yet also itch to experience them for ourselves. Admittedly, I’ve often daydreamed of twisting and twirling around a ballroom in a large but elegant gown—I’ve practically danced down the hall to my room some nights, side-stepping my way to bed— after watching something like Victoria.
Although I’m sure the dancing is just as fun as it looks, period dramas tend to aestheticize history through the passion and romance of courtship—usually in the regency era, which is when Jane Austen’s books take place—to enhance their appeal, all the while shoving the uglier bits under the rug.
From poor hygiene to incurable diseases, a closer look at the realities of the regency era as highlighted in “Un/civilized: From Orgies to Opium, Exposing the Underbelly of Regency London” reveals these less appealing aspects, including the fact that the East India Company
“…grew opium in India and sold it in China, hooking millions of Chinese on the drug. When China attempted to ban the drug’s importation, the British responded with gunboats.”
This highly aestheticized content rarely pays these features any mind, and when they do, they tend to paint them with a glossier finish. However, accuracy isn’t always necessary and can sometimes hold a story back. In those cases, as with many period dramas, the enhancement of aesthetics are likely a stylistic choice. A beautiful, aesthetically pleasing backdrop is used to set the tone for their central theme: love. Whether it’s fierce and bright or a quiet flickering that grows over time, love is always at the center—especially romantic love.
As humans, we tend to place a lot of importance on this kind of love and even prioritize it above other kinds. It can be okay to push our friendships and other relationships aside in favor of cultivating a relationship with a significant other, in fact, it’s even expected. You’re supposed to be each other’s best friend, family, and everything in between until you’ve both dripped down into every crack and crevice of the each other’s lives.
We’re taught to expect a passionate, all consuming love, but are then disappointed when we find it’s more complicated than simply finding one person to love forever. It only takes one time, one heartbreak to learn the complexities of human relationships. From there it’s easy to fall into the cynical belief that romance is dead, or wonder whether or not it was ever alive to begin with—especially when we compare our dating lives today to the relationships we see in period dramas.
With online dating, I wouldn’t exactly say that we’ve become more picky, but many have developed what’s been classified as “choice paralysis” and “swipe fatigue”. There are so many choices, so many potential “true loves” that we can’t seem to make any solid decisions. A person could go on a date one night while texting their backups just minutes before. It’s become much easier to see a person as “replaceable”, especially when they don’t live up to the fantasy we created for them in our minds, and then hide behind our pickiness instead of admitting the truth: that we’re afraid of being disappointed.
However, dating nowadays is also a lot less restrained. We still feel the need to perform for one another, but the clear cut steps indicating how a relationship is progressing have faded. There’s less pressure to assign meaning to a relationship right away because it’s less of a necessity to our survival. The expectations surrounding marriage have even begun to dwindle with the percentage of married Americans falling 72% since 1960 and the average age for married couples rising to 30 for men and 28 for women as of 2019.
This has led to a discussion of whether or not marriage/romantic relationships should still be considered our ultimate goal and success in life. Publications such as The Atlantic and New York Times have published articles like “What If Friendship, Not Marriage, Was At The Center Of Life?” by Rhaina Cohen, “What You Lose When You Gain A Spouse” by Mandy Len Catron, and “To Be Happy, Marriage Matters More Than Career” by David Brooks that got me thinking about whether or not romantic relationships are really necessary for happiness.
With the growth of our ideas and concepts surrounding love, marriage has been made less of a priority among young people. As New York Times opinion columnist David Brooks says
“…they no longer view it as the “cornerstone” of their lives; they view it as a “capstone”—something to enter into after they’ve successfully established themselves as adults.”
This is especially true of Gen Z. We’re too consumed by everything else constantly being thrown at us to give it all that much thought. However, this doesn’t mean marriage doesn’t have a place in our lives or that we’re a cynical, marriage hating generation. While I can’t say with certainty that the concept of marriage is more highly valued—although in some ways it does seem that way—it has been set slightly out of reach. It’s become another one of the many aspects of life that have been affected by a growth of inequality as marriage is increasingly intertwined with financial stability. This is probably true of any generation, but with the gaps between classes growing wider in recent years, marriage, especially a successful marriage, has morphed into a symbol of privilege, causing us to shift our focus onto other areas of our lives.
But our widened understanding of what constitutes a fulfilling life has also broadened our minds to new ways of living and fostering love. We’ve become more open to the idea that love comes in more shapes and sizes than the ones we see dancing across ballrooms or receiving grand declarations of love. It’s no longer limited to binary definitions. We see it in a brother’s sideways glances and obscure jokes that only you understand. In a mother’s laugh as she pinches you for your sassy remarks, or a friend’s supportive text messages. We can easily live a life filled with love without a significant other. However, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with wanting one.
It will probably be a long time before the importance placed on romantic love is a thing of the past, if that ever happens. Our romantic relationships are still an important part of our lives, but should they really take priority over other relationships? Are they any more significant than a long lasting friendship or a bond with a sibling?
Before this last weekend I would have said no. As someone who wants nothing more than to lead a successful and fulfilling life on my own, I can’t say thoughts of factoring in romantic relationships often occur to me. However, while watching a movie, I was confronted with what is lost when we abandon romantic love. When we let past pain cloud our judgement, making it too hard to see the difference between independence and fear of relying on others.
I’ve thought at length about what we lose when we give up platonic and familial relationships, wondering who and where I might be without my own friends and family. Every once in a while I forget how lucky I am to still live at home; to see my brother every weekend and my parents every day. Their constant, unwavering presence is much like a lighthouse I can always count on to illuminate even the darkest, cloudiest nights and guide me back. But even romantic love has it’s purpose. Though not always as steady, it challenges us, pushing us to open ourselves up and grow in ways we wouldn’t have been able to fathom without it.
This isn’t the 18th century and we aren’t living in a period drama—although sometimes I wish I was. Twenty, thirty, forty-year-olds and everyone else at any age don’t need to enter into romantic relationships to experience love. We need only appreciate the love we do have and remember to embrace new love as it comes. Platonic, familial, and even romantic.
Comments, Thoughts, Feelings
Do you like period dramas? If so, what’s your fav one? I think Victoria is my fav
If you could live in any time period—minus all the dangers—what time period would you choose and why? I’d have to say the late 1800s but only if I could meet Queen Victoria and attend a ball
All other thoughts and comments are welcome <3
I’d love to live in the medieval or renaissance periods! I know these 2 eras get highly aestheticized, especially on tv (I’m thinking The Tudors and Reign) but it’s always fascinated me. I wouldn’t mind living in the Victorian and regency eras either, as long as I could live in a house like Emma’s lol!