Standing up for Rory Gilmore
Exploring negative characters in media and coming to terms with making mistakes.
I discovered the early 2000’s hit TV show Gilmore Girls when I was scrolling through Netflix as a Sophomore in high school on Thanksgiving break. Over the next few weeks, I binged the entire show and, since then, it’s become a holiday favorite of mine. Every year between October and December, I watch all my favorite episodes. I especially love watching it as I get ready for fall. Between the warm colors, soft melodies, fall leaves, and autumn decorations put up in the small town of Stars Hollow, I always feel as though I’ve been transported into an autumnal wonderland where everything is warm and cozy.
As a 15-year-old, I wanted to be just like Rory Gilmore, which I don’t think is uncommon for most young girls that watch this show. I mean, she was smart, witty, got into one of the best colleges, and everyone loved her. On first watch, especially as a young teen, Rory seemed to have it all. She was the epitome of everything I wanted.
But, as I got older, I realized just how flawed her character really is and, eventually, I grew to despise her. Being a book-lover and a writer, I was sometimes compared to Rory, which further spurred my growing hate toward her. Plus, everything I saw about her on fan accounts and online articles were mostly about how deeply flawed she was, so of course I didn’t want to be like her. When I transferred to a somewhat big university and joined the newspaper, I cringed at the thought of being even more similar to her. I even went as far as to convince myself I’d probably hate being on the newspaper just to reassure myself I wasn’t like her, but I ended up loving it.
Of course, I know that being a book-lover and writing for my college newspaper doesn’t mean I’ll end up exactly like Rory because, I mean, I’m not her. But, it does show just how easily we become hateful toward flawed characters, especially if they share similarities with ourselves.
Over time, I’ve grown to love this show again, but I recognize that most of its characters, ESPECIALLY Rory and her mother Lorelai, are extremely flawed. But I think that’s part of why I love it so much.
With that said, I will not attempt to convince you that Rory is actually a great character that everyone should love. In fact, I still don’t like her. Not only does she insist on being ignorant to her privileged background, she’s also entitled, selfish, quits school when things get too difficult, and sleeps with her married ex-boyfriend… and that’s not even including what she did in the revival A Year in the Life. Overall, Rory’s character only worsens as she gets older, which is the biggest fan complaint.
But I like that she makes mistakes. Some of them are pretty HUGE mistakes, and I’m not going to explain them away because some of what she did was just down-right wrong, but there’s just something about watching a character make mistake after mistake and still find ways to put their life back together that’s just so satisfying.
Of course, it helps that she comes from a wealthy background, but it’s still comforting to see someone deemed the “golden child” struggle and make mistakes just like everyone else. It probably sounds wrong that I like seeing her “struggle”, but when it really came down to it, Rory wasn’t any better than anyone else, which to me, makes her more relatable.
Personally, I like that she had a “downfall”. As everyone complains, everything always came easy to Rory, so when she goes out into the real world and finds it’s not so easy to get what she wants anymore, she struggles. As it should be. We all struggle when we first step out into the world on our own. It’s a lot of trial and error as we attempt to find our footing, but what makes her insufferable is the way she reacts to her setbacks.
Instead of trying again and trying harder, Rory often has temper tantrums. But, like I said, everything always came easy to Rory, so of course she doesn’t know how to handle not getting what she wants. She had been spoiled all her life and this has repercussions for her as an adult. Honestly, I think I would’ve been more infuriated if it didn’t.
In the Washington Post article “Rory Gilmore is a Monster” writer Jenny Rogers makes a compelling argument as to how and why Rory, specifically in the revival A Year in the Life, is a monster in her ending statement “Rory isn’t flawed. She’s simply unkind and ungrateful, in the most common way possible. Her fans deserved better”.
But why? Why do we “deserve” a character that’s perfectly good and ethical?
I remember one time, in one of my college writing classes, my professor asked one of the students “do you need your character to be liked? Because there’s nothing wrong that. Many writers want their characters to be liked by readers. But it’s also okay to write unlikable characters.” It was the first time I realized it’s okay to dislike characters and that sometimes characters are meant to be disliked, especially if that’s where their story takes them.
Similarly, in The Atlantic article “Do Readers Judge Female Characters More Harshly Than Male Characters” writer Maria Konnikova questions our tendency to see fictional characters as “friends” and says “The goals of literature are multifold, but creating nice, positive protagonists that you’d want to grab drinks with or bring home to mom can hardly be considered one of them”. In this, Konnikova talks more specifically about literature, but I think it applies to other fictional works as well. Personally, I think it’s easier said than done to say “we shouldn’t see fictional characters as friends”, but I think Konnikova has a point. Why should characters only be nice and positive? Oftentimes, we learn just as much from negative characters as we do positive ones. Plus, people are not simply “good”, they’re more complex than that.
Although Rory is a complicated character, she becomes more negative than positive as time goes on, causing her to receive a lot of backlash. In my research, I found tons of articles with dedicated lists as to why she’s the worst. While some were overdramatic to be funny, she’s also judged harshly for her mistakes, being called a “monster”, “amoral”, and is even called out for “not being nice”. But why does she have to be nice in the first place?
In Konnikova’s article, she mentions that “Niceness, for instance, is seen as consistently more important in women than it is in men… Now even fictional females are seeing the sting”. Rory’s character is complex. She doesn’t go out of her way to hurt people and when she does, she tries to make things right. She’s human. She makes mistakes, and I’m not saying this to excuse the things she does, but maybe it’s okay that she’s more negative than positive. Female characters can be negative too.
When she breaks down from the pressures of school, people are quick to judge her for the way she reacts, and while I can’t help but think how very privileged her mindset is to be able to rationalize stealing a boat, I also wonder how this would’ve been received if it were a male character that did this instead.
I don’t want to go too far into gender because it shouldn’t matter, but I just wanted to touch on it because, unfortunately, sometimes it clouds our perception, making us judge one more harshly than the other because of our preconceived notions how they should act. Either way, Rory is a character that makes a lot of mistakes, but in the end, it’s good to remember that she’s just a character.
Although, I think this is especially hard when it’s a character like Rory. Like I mentioned earlier, as a young teen, I not only wanted to be like Rory, I felt she was somewhat of a kindred spirit. We both loved reading and writing, we were both awkward and shy at times, and more studious rather than social. When I looked at Rory, I saw a bit of myself, so to watch her make mistake after mistake and turn into a generally unlikable character was hard to say the least. It felt like I was the one making these mistakes, or even a dear friend.
When we see ourselves in characters on TV, it makes it harder to watch them make mistakes. It becomes more personal because it’s as though our own insecurities are being reflected back at us. Our ability to fail, to be rejected, disappoint others, and mess up so bad we destroy our relationships with others play out in front of us, threatening to ruin our lives at any moment.
It’s hard to accept our own failings. But we’re all capable of making mistakes, which is something I’ve been trying to come to terms with lately. It’s easy to see a character like Rory and think damn, I hope I never end up like her, and so, spend the rest of your life trying to do everything right. But, at the end of the day, it’s impossible to “do everything right”, and by holding yourself to that standard you’ll not only do more harm than good, you’ll also miss out on a lot of things in life.
Now, I’m not saying this gives us permission to be like Rory and make tons of crazy mistakes. All I’m saying, is to be more forgiving when you do. We can learn from characters like her. Her mistakes and negative traits show us what paths to try to avoid as we get older, but she also shows us that we can make mistakes and be okay. The worst thing we can do is not learn from them.
Comment Prompts:
Have you ever seen Gilmore Girls? If so, do you like it? Why or Why not?
Who’s your least favorite character in Gilmore Girls? Do you have a favorite? (My fav is Lane and her mom Mrs. Kim).
What’s the most annoying thing about Gilmore Girls? It can be any aspect. A character, all the characters, the way they basically glorify the wealthy class. (Yes, I love this show but it also annoys me to no end. It’s a love hate relationship).
Did you like Rory when you first watched it? How do you feel about her now?
I only vaguely remember the show, but this break down of Rory is something that I think anyone can relate to. The story hits on what it feels like to admire a t.v character, while also fearing some of the stereotypes that they embody. For me, my favorite parts were the comparisons of Rory’s decision/life to the authors own; it deepened the personal and familiar tone of the story.