On The Constant Fluctuation of The Self
Miley Cyrus' British vogue interview and accepting that early adulthood comes with making mistakes because, as Miley says, nobody's perfect (I couldn't help it. I'm sorry)
Last week, British Vogue released an interview with Miley Cyrus talking about her life, fame, and her newest album Endless Summer Vacation.
I was immediately in love with her single “Flowers” when it came out back in January, and when the rest of the album was finally released, I was HOOKED. I absolutely had to listen to it nearly every day. It practically felt like something was missing if I didn’t. So, of course, it quickly became a part of my daily routine, giving me something to dance and sing along to while cleaning, cooking, driving, and doing whatever else. But, I was a Miley Cyrus fan long before this album came out.
Like most kids that grew up in the early 2000’s-2010’s, I spent most of my time watching Nickelodeon, Disney Channel, and Cartoon Network. Absolutely nothing matched the happiness I experienced when I got to stay home from school, bundled under blankets, watching my favorite TV shows. Some of my favs were Scooby Doo, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, Wizards of Waverly Place, and Spongebob. There were so many shows that I loved that the list could go on, but those are just a few that I still quote and laugh about with my brother and friends. However, there was one show that I continued to watch even when I out grew the rest.
While I now rewatch those shows out of nostalgia, back in 2012/2013, as a young teen about to start high school, I started to feel I was too old to be watching them. In light of this, I gladly switched over to shows like Friends and The Office, but with the end of Hannah Montana in 2011, there was an extra note of sadness. I even remember rewatching the entire series the summer before starting high school and crying as I watched the finale for the second time.
Even though there were other coming of age TV shows, there was something about Hannah Montana that made it especially sad when it came to an end. With the end of Hannah Montana, I watched Miley Cyrus let go of her pop star persona to move on to another chapter in her life. At that same time, I was moving on from part of my childhood as I readied for high school, and even though I was scared, watching Cyrus shed this part of her allowed me to feel less alone. There’s something especially comforting and yet heartbreaking about growing up along-side your favorite characters/actors. But, for Cyrus, it was more than just moving on to high school. She was moving into adulthood. A change I have been grappling with for the past few years.
Along with their article “‘I Realise Now How Harshly I was Judged”: Miley Cyrus On Finding Her Peace — And Making The Album Of The Summer” by Giles Hattersley, British Vogue also released a video on Youtube titled “Miley Cyrus Breaks Down 17 Memorable Looks From 2006 To Now”. In this video, Cyrus explains a particular look from 2010 by saying
“I wore this because it was protective and I also felt like it was a complete difference from Hannah Montana’s style. So, this was my way of expressing myself as Miley and introducing myself as Miley to the world. I had been a character for so long, so this was the beginning of, like, developing who Miley would be.”
Two years ago, I went through a rough break-up. We had been together for four years and had started dating when I was a senior in high school. Even though I didn’t realize it at the time, I was still developing my sense of self. I was young, I had no idea who I was or who I wanted to be, but I poured everything I had into that relationship. I allowed myself to be completely consumed and, at some point, I lost myself along the way. After we broke up, I started to find those pieces of myself that I had discarded during the relationship (you can read more about this in my post “Runaway Bride Era”), but I also staged a small rebellion.
In the months following the break-up, I dyed my hair and listened to music he wouldn’t have liked. Basically, every time I did something that was in complete opposition to the person I was when I was in that relationship, I would smile. It made me happy to know that I was no longer stuck, suppressing my growth for the sake of a relationship with a person who took me for granted. But, I digress.
Even though I was eventually happy when my relationship ended, at first, I was terrified. I had no idea who I was without it. At that point, I felt like I was starting over. I felt like my life could become anything, and so, these small expressions of myself, rebellions or not, were my way of re-introducing myself in the same way Cyrus was attempting to introduce herself to the world. Except, she wasn’t just distancing herself from an ex. She was distancing herself from her Disney persona and the image the world had of her.
In the British Vogue article by Giles Hattersley, “‘I Realise Now How Harshly I was Judged”: Miley Cyrus On Finding Her Peace — And Making The Album Of The Summer”, Cyrus explains, while talking about her younger self, that
“‘I carried some guilt and shame around myself for years because of how much controversy and upset I really caused… “I was harshly judged as a child by adults and now, as an adult, I realise that I would never harshly judge a child.’”
At the time of her performance in Paris in 2010, Miley Cyrus was about 18-years-old and around 21-years-old when she received horrified gasps for her controversial “Wrecking Ball” music video. Having recently left Disney and her days as Hannah Montana, Cyrus was still trying to define herself outside of that image. She was also a young adult going through a break-up.
I’ve mentioned it before, but I’ll say it again: being a young adult is hard enough. Trying to find your footing in the world now that you’re old enough to be on your own and make your own decisions is DIFFICULT to say the least. But, adding relationships in there too?! No way, man. I couldn’t do it.
Now, imagine also having to deal with being watched by the entire world. Every decision you make as you attempt to find out who and where you’re meant to be being watched, discussed, and judged.
As I mentioned earlier, after my break-up, I staged a small rebellion. I dyed the underside of my hair purple—which almost immediately faded to pink and then bleach blonde because I didn’t do any research on the upkeep of dyed hair—and started dressing like I was in high school again. I reverted to my alternative days of listening to Twenty One Pilots, Sum 41, and Paramore.
While I still love these bands and have considered dying my hair again, this was a time when I exclusively listened to this kind of music and did things that satisfied the sadness, anger, and confusion I felt inside. I wanted so badly to feel like myself again, to find who I was on my own, that I created a sort of alter-ego. This alter-ego was supposed to be the stronger, more put-together version of myself that I not only wanted to be, but that I also needed in order to keep going. But, in the creation of this alter-ego, I also suppressed the more sensitive, hurting side of myself. I created a hard-shelled, icy person that was helpful for me at the time, but that I wouldn’t align myself with now that I’ve moved on from it all and into a place of reflection and understanding.
People, as we all know, are always changing. We’re in constant fluctuation, shifting to best fit the situations we find ourselves in. But as young adults, we’re especially prone to change. I mean, I feel like the person I was just this past Christmas is different to the person I am now.
While I can’t really compare this to Miley Cyrus’ Wrecking Ball stage since the “craziest” thing I did was probably dying my hair, both moments can be seen as ways of processing a break-up while navigating the ever-changing, twisting terrain of our early-20’s. So, why did Cyrus receive so much backlash when, really, she was just a kid going through two difficult moments in her life?
Well, a lot of it probably comes down to fame. It’s no secret that we tend to see celebrities as figures and objects rather than actual people. The space they hold in media and their wealthy status allows us to put them on a different level from ourselves. In The Atlantic article, “Why Are They Stars?”, writer Megan Garber explores the origin of the use of the word “stars” for celebrities by explaining that “It emphasizes the role of the celebrity as a body both distant and accessible, gleaming and sparkling and yet reassuringly omnipresent”. By placing them above us, we are simultaneously idolizing them and distancing ourselves from them, making it easier to see them less as humans and more as objects/figures. Once we do this, it becomes easier to criticize them.
But, I don’t want to ignore that sometimes we also forgive them more easily. While there are a number of celebrities we could talk about, one that comes to mind is Leonardo DiCaprio. Although we joke about the theory that he doesn’t date anyone older than 25, making meme after meme about about it, we also agree that it’s gross behavior on his part. So, why do we continue to turn a blind-eye? Why do some celebrities skitter by with no more than a few scratches while some are dragged through the mud?
To be honest, I think part of it has to do with the space certain “stars” occupy. DiCaprio has been in many beloved movies that hold a lot of nostalgia for some, allowing him to be held up to an almost “untouchable” realm, which shouldn’t be possible but… here we are. However, it might also have to do with the fact that we, unfortunately, hold men and women to different standards. I talked a little about this in my post “Standing up for Rory Gilmore”, where I explained that our perceptions of how each gender should act often clouds our judgement, causing us to judge them more harshly on certain aspects.
That’s not to say that male celebrities haven’t been dragged through the mud, but sometimes women are judged more harshly for things that, if a man had done them, wouldn’t have gotten as much backlash. In my other post, I also explain that Rory Gilmore from Gilmore Girls received a lot of backlash for her development into a mostly negative character because of our preconceived notions that women are supposed to be generally “good”. They’re supposed to be “nice”, “loving”, etc. and when they don’t fill that predetermined role, they’re often villainized.
But, people are more complex. We are more than simply “good” or “bad” and as we continue to grow we may even have moments where we lean toward more negative traits than positive ones. Of course, I’m not trying to say that it’s okay to be a “bad person” and a lot of this depends on the situation, but it’s okay to make mistakes or have moments where we’re maybe not the best person in the room, as long as we learn from them.
Like I explained earlier, after my break-up, I created a somewhat cold, unfeeling alter-ego. I wouldn’t say that, at that time, I was a “bad” person because I was still a good friend, student, daughter, sister, etc. but I leaned into a more selfish and colder side of myself that I’m glad I’ve moved on from. But, every version of myself has led me to the person I am now, and the person I am now is simply the developing stage of who I will become in the future. Whether those versions were more negative or positive is irrelevant because I learned from those moments, grew, and moved on.
In the online article, Miley Cyrus ends the British Vogue interview with a line from a potential new song:
“I know I used to be crazy,” she says. “I know I used to be fun. You say I used to be wild. I say I used to be young.”
While Cyrus’ “wild child” moment stirred up a lot of strong feelings, resulting in her receiving a lot of backlash, at the end of the day, it was just that, a moment. And, actually, Cyrus says the same thing about her recent success in the British Vogue interview. She explains that her current success is simply a moment that will inevitably pass. But, maybe most things in life are moments. Good or bad, they’re all here one second and gone the next. What matters is what we do with them.
Comments, Thoughts, Feelings
Have you listened to Miley Cyrus’ new album? What’s your fav/least fav song?
Were you a Hannah Montana fan?
What was your favorite TV show when you were a kid?
Were you more of a Nickelodeon, Disney, or Cartoon Network kid? Or did you watch all of them equally?