The other day, I was listening to music while working out on the bike when my current favorite song came on: Olivia Rodrigo’s newest single “Vampire”.
Without thinking, I reached for the volume button on my phone to turn it up and then stood up as I increased the resistance on the bike. Beads of sweat formed on the back of my neck as I peddled harder and faster to keep up with the increasing tempo of the song. My head swung side to side, my hair nearly coming out of my ponytail as I breathlessly sang along, feeling the emotion well up inside myself. Honestly, I probably would’ve been screaming the lyrics if I wasn’t so out of breath.
As the song came to an end, I sat back down on the bike smiling and feeling so much lighter.
Nearly every time I hear this song, something in me wants to scream and cry and run and punch and kick and just go on an all out rampage through the streets like Godzilla. It awakens an anger so deep within me that I almost can’t control it when it comes bubbling up to the surface. I love it because it satisfies the angry girl within me that’s been in love with head-banger songs since middle school, but I also love it because of the noticeable growth in the lyrics.
With the release of Olivia Rodrigo’s debut album SOUR in 2021, everyone (including myself) went insane over the pop-punk, angry girl vibes that Rodrigo embodied in her songs. It was the heartbreak album of the summer, and, having just gone through a breakup myself, I was playing it non-stop just like everyone else.
While Rodrigo had already garnered attention from her role as Nini Salazar-Roberts in the Disney Channel TV show High School Musical: The Musical: The Series, her true claim to fame came from the release of her song “drivers license”. Within a week, this song skyrocketed to number one and was absolutely everywhere. I couldn’t turn on the radio—back when I actually listened to the radio—or go on social media without hearing it.
Admittedly, I wasn’t all that much of a fan of this song when I first heard it, and, honestly, it’s still not my favorite song off the album, but I began to enjoy it when I started actually paying attention to the lyrics.
Once you start listening to the lyrics, you also notice that one part near the beginning that had everyone practically foaming at the mouth:
“But today I drove through the suburbs / Crying ‘cause you weren’t around / And you’re probably with that blonde girl / Who always made me doubt / She’s so much older than me / She’s everything I’m insecure about”
Internet detectives immediately went to work to figure out who “that blonde girl” was, sharpening their pitch forks as they readied to seek revenge on Rodrigo’s behalf. And they did. As soon as they discovered she might have been singing about Sabrina Carpenter, the new girlfriend of the guy Rodrigo was rumored to have been involved with, people began shaming Carpenter and calling her out, branding her “the other woman”.
Of course, the rumored ex-boyfriend was also dragged through the mud and ridiculed in the comment sections on social media, but nothing like what Carpenter endured. She was immediately pit against Rodrigo, thrown into the ring by an angry mob and told to fight.
While I’ll always love that album for it’s raw honesty and descriptions of complex feelings, I’ll also always hate the way it was used as an excuse to attack another woman, pitting the two against each other. Just like Rodrigo’s newest single “Vampire” is now being used to pit her against Taylor Swift.
While I’m not going to go into the whole drama of why people think this song is about Swift (if you’re interested you can read all about it here), I’m also not going to deny the possibility that it could be about her because, well, only Olivia Rodrigo knows who it’s actually about.
However, the fact is, there’s absolutely nothing specifically indicating that Swift is the object of the song. It’s all just a badly put together patchwork of rumors and things that happened in the past to once again attempt to find another woman guilty of another’s misfortune instead of allowing the song to be what it is: a piece of art.
And that’s not to say I’m immune to lure of gossip. That I’m above it all. That I never feel the itch to scroll through the internet and stalk the potential culprit’s Instagram for clues. But in doing so, we overshadow the actual work itself.
The song itself is a powerful depiction of betrayal. Of not only feeling as though you’ve been chewed up and spit out by someone you thought you could trust, but also the absolute and utter embarrassment and humiliation that washes over you in the aftermath. And, somehow, Rodrigo is able to beautifully put these emotions in conversation with each other, but we’re all too busy trying to decide if it’s about an ex or Taylor Swift to notice.
And maybe it’s all just a PR stunt. God knows the Rodrigo x Bassett x Carpenter love triangle was all anyone could talk about for months, and I’m sure it’ll be the same with this song. But our knee jerk reaction to know it all, to find out who the song is really about and immediately cast blame, also devalues the work these women do. It goes from being a beautifully executed piece of art capturing complex emotions to another tool for us put two women in competition with each other. Unfortunately, this seems to be our default.
And there are examples of this everywhere. From the Selena Gomez x Hailey Bieber feud to the “pick me girl” trope plastered all over social media. Women aren’t just constantly being pit against each other, we’re also taught to see each other as competition. That, if we want to get ahead, we have to tear each other down in order to do so. And even now as we try to dismantle this idea, we’re still doing it in a way that places the blame on other women, like with the “pick me girl” trope.
The best way to understand what a “pick me girl” is, is by looking at early-2000s rom coms. A “pick me girl” isn’t exactly a new phenomena. In rom coms like She’s All That, Mean Girls, 10 Things I Hate About You, A Cinderella Story, and so many more, the main characters embody this “pick me girl” trope, which Courtney Young explains in her article “Why TikTok Is Flooded With Controversial Videos About ‘Pick Me Girls’” is really the same thing as what we used to call the “not like other girls” trope, but now we’re applying it to girls in our own lives and not just ones in movies and TV shows.
In the Bustle article, Young explains that
“The term “pick me girl” is most often hurled at the “guy’s girl” types. A “pick me girl” might say something like, “I just don’t get other girls,” with the ultimate goal (subconsciously or not) being to get attention or male validation.”
Even though I love all of these movies—except She’s All That. I don’t know. I thought it was just okay—and will always love them, this kind of trope is damaging not only because it teaches girls that their value stems from male acceptance, but also because it teaches them that femininity is something to be ashamed of.
While we can probably all agree that we’ve rolled our eyes at these depictions of women in movies at least once before, our attempt to “correct” this kind of behavior backfired. By creating videos online making fun of the “pick me girl” we’re still comparing and being put in competition for the validation that we’re somehow “better” instead of acknowledging the more deeply rooted problem.
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I was in middle school when I started liking boys. I had crushes when I was in elementary school, but that was more of just “something to do” because I wanted to fit in and be like the girls in movies rather than because I actually liked them. I think I only had one “real” crush at that time, but even then it was just a crush. It wasn’t until I got to middle school that all of that actually started setting in. It was a completely awkward time that I still cringe at when I look back. But I’ll never forget what my friend said to me one time when I told her a boy was flirting with me, the way she laughed before saying:
“Why would he flirt with you? You’re not even that pretty.”
I think I still remember this because she was my friend. If it had been anyone else I probably wouldn’t even remember it, but because it was her, it hurt 10x more and will be forever burned into my memory. But, at the time, I didn’t think much of it. I thought she was just trying to be honest and spare me the embarrassment. I’m pretty sure I agreed and then dropped the conversation altogether. But I remember going to bed still thinking about it. Feeling my mouth twist and my chest burn before hot, angry tears trickled down my cheeks.
We didn’t remain friends for much longer. Our friendship eventually fizzled out in high school, but it wasn’t until I looked back on this moment and others years later that I realized how small she made me feel.
While I can’t forget what she said and the ways she put me down, time and everything else has allowed me to move past it. I don’t blame her. We were just kids trying to navigate middle school, puberty, crushes, and this newfound idea that even our friends were somehow our enemies. It’s especially hard as a kid moving into high school, trying to find some semblance of identity in the roles prescribed to us by movies.
She didn’t know any better, just like I didn’t know any better when I thought that I was “cool” and “different” for rejecting femininity. I thought that wearing things like skirts, dresses, and makeup were a sure sign that you were boring or stupid—or even both—no matter how badly I secretly wanted to wear those things too.
But even when I started following along with makeup and fashion trends and keeping up with my skincare, I started, once again, believing I was better than those who didn’t. I was under the impression that this was the way to retaliate against patriarchy and internalized misogyny, when I was actually just playing into societal beauty standards and boiling myself down to my looks. It didn’t fill me with the sense of identity I expected it to. I was just as unhappy as I was when I refused to wear skirts and makeup because, no matter what, none of it felt like me.
These conflicting ideas sometimes make it feel like there’s no winning. Like I can go from one opposite end to another, looking for a way out, and run into a dead end no matter which way I turn. I always end up being exactly who I’m expected to be, and none of them feel quite right. Each version always ends up feeling like a hollow, empty shell I forced myself into in order to feel valuable in a world created with men in mind, leaving little to no room for myself and others that identify as women to understand how we fit. And when we do find that semblance of identity in the whispers of male acceptance, we become ravenous to keep it, even if it means pushing another woman out of the way.
And this isn’t to say I’ve never had meaningful relationships with women. I’ve received the most love from the women in my life, even women I barely knew, which is why it’s all the more heartbreaking that our society insists on pitting us against each other.
For a long time, I didn’t know how to go about being in this world without the predetermined markers of femininity. I’ve known what it’s like to be on both sides, and I didn’t want to go back to either of them. Both left me feeling drained. Like a vampire sinking its teeth into me, bleeding me dry, and I’m tired of it.
If you’re interested, I’ve also talked about a somewhat similar topic in older posts: “Standing Up For Rory Gilmore” and “On the Constant Fluctuation of the Self”, which focus more on the ways women tend to be judged more harshly for their mistakes. Please feel free to check them out. I’ve also linked Olivia Rodrigo’s song “Vampire” as well as the music video. Enjoy <3
Comments, Thoughts, Feelings
Have you listened to “Vampire” yet? If so, what did you think?
Who’s your favorite artist/musician?
What’s your fav rom com? One of my favorites is 10 Things I Hate About You
What’s your least favorite rom com?
All other comments and thoughts are welcome <3